Hidden Escape
by CaramelApple74
Summary: Kurt has a secret escape he retreats to when things in life get rough, and he's kept it well hidden for nine years. But one day he accidentally reveals the telltale scars of it to Blaine. Things only go downhill from there. WARNING: SELF HARM, MAY BE TRIGGERING.
1. Chapter 1

**WARNING: MAY BE EXTREMELY TRIGGERING AND GRAPHIC! DO NOT READ IF YOU FEEL THIS MAY CAUSE YOU TO RELAPSE OR CUT AGAIN!**

**Disclaimer: ****I don't own Glee or the characters in it, I only made the plot for this story. However, if I did own Glee I'd be rich as hell and able to do all kinds of cool stuff, like get out of jail early for the stupid crime I would have committed like celebrities and people with a lot of money do. But instead I'm a girl who's broke and trying to finish her education and would probably even get more charges if I ever went to jail- which I swear, I haven't... yet- for saying some snarky comment to the police officer because I'm really sarcastic and witty and like to make good use of my extensive vocabulary. So no, I don't own Glee. You would have heard about my arrest on the news by now if I did own Glee, because I'm sure it would be funny as hell and nobody would ever stop laughing because I'd probably get arrested for something like spitting gum on the sidewalk and a duck stepped in it and got stuck, then a bicyclist ran over the duck because it wouldn't move and the guy fell over and ran into an old lady who fell into the street and got hit by a car and it would all be my fault because I spit gum on the sidewalk. Please don't sue me.**

* * *

It started a month after his mom died. Kurt's dad had been holed up in his bedroom, door locked, and TV turned on high volume in a futile attempt to drown out the loud sobs escaping his throat. Kurt was lying on the couch in the living room, staring blankly at the wall, pretending like he wasn't aware of his dad crying upstairs because Burt didn't like Kurt to see him in that state. It was another one of those exceptionally bad days, the kind where the fact that Elizabeth was dead came crashing down with such force that the impact rattled and broke everything good that remained around Kurt and his dad.

It was a Saturday, middle of the afternoon, and Kurt hadn't eaten anything at all yet that day. He didn't feel hungry, the mere thought of food made him nauseous. But he forced himself to eat _something_. The last thing he needed was to pass out from lack of nutrition and have to be rushed to the hospital, putting his dad in more distress than he already was in. So Kurt decided that a light, vitamin packed snack would do for now, and maybe he'd try something a little more for dinner. Maybe.

Kurt shuffled into the kitchen and grabbed an orange from the fruit basket on the counter, then snatched a knife from the top drawer to slice it with. He was a bit short for his age, and his head reached just a few inches over the kitchen counter, making it difficult for him to see what he was doing. He held the orange steadily in place with one hand, and placed the knife on the center top of the orange with the other. He was about to cut the piece of fruit in half, when the knife slipped and the orange rolled, leaving no barrier between his wrist and the sharp metal blade.

Kurt hissed in pain as the knife slashed his wrist, and cradled his hand against his chest. He squeezed his eyes shut and whimpered at the sharp pain, but knew that he had to look to see just how bad the cut was. Slowly, Kurt pulled his hand away from his chest and looked down at the wound. He watched as the bright red blood streamed down his arm and dripped onto the floor tiles with rapt fascination. Suddenly, the pain started to feel almost... _good._ Instead of bleeding and being in pain, it felt sort of like he was bleeding the pain away.

But this was wrong. Getting cut shouldn't feel good, it should be something to worry about. However, there were a lot of things in the world that _shouldn't _but _were._ Like his mom being dead. She shouldn't be dead, but she was, no matter how wrong the situation was. This could be one of those situations. Being cut shouldn't feel good, but it actually did, and if it took the pain away then who was Kurt to deprive himself of that little escape?

Kurt wrapped a paper towel around his wrist and cleaned up the blood from the floor and threw the orange in the trash. He picked the knife back up and eyed it for a few seconds before turning on his heel and heading upstairs to his room. He sat down on the edge of his bed with the knife and looked at it, still shocked at his new revelation, shocked that a simple blade could take the pain away.

He sat there for half an hour, non-moving, and then the euphoria began to wear down. Kurt frowned at this, but realized that he could bring it back with the help of the knife. After all, it was one of those exceptionally bad days, and he could use an escape from all the pain.

* * *

A/N:

I honestly don't know where this came from, it just came to me. I'm having severe writer's block for my Harry Potter story and my other Glee fic will be typed up sometime tomorrow, so I was left alone with my thoughts. This will probably be around 25,000 words.

This is the part where you're more than likely questioning what the hell I'm doing writing this. Well, it takes a cutter to write about one? That's true for me anyways, I relapsed last night after being clean for almost two months. I guess this is my way of getting it all out and trying to take my mind off of cutting again.

This was just the first chapter, I'm starting the second one right after I post this and it'll be longer. This was just an intro chapter. Let me know if this sucks already and I'll take it down. Let me know if you think I should continue.

Hope you like it? I don't know if that's appropriate to say for this story, so I hope that maybe you learn about self harm and the affects it can have on people. It's addicting and not good, I wouldn't recommend doing it if you can help it.


	2. Chapter 2

***Important* In this fic Kurt is a senior and Blaine is a junior, Blaine goes to McKinley High and is in Glee Club, and Karofsky goes to McKinley still.**

* * *

It had been nine years since Kurt began cutting, and in that time his body had become marred all over with scars. When he ran out of room on his wrists he moved to his arms, and when those were overflowed with scars and cuts he moved to his legs, then his hips, then stomach and chest. Basically he cut wherever he had room. When the scars healed he cut over those, making the whole process a never ending cycle. It wasn't something he was proud of in the least, but it got him through the day.

The first night he'd cut himself when he was eight years old he almost went too far and cut too deep, because he didn't know his limitations. He was so absorbed in the fact that a blade could take the pain away, that he forgot there were veins and arteries he could cut if he wasn't careful. He learned after that, picked up rather quickly how to cut without causing damage.

His dad never leaned about his secret escape that he turned to on days where the mental and emotional pain was unbearable and he needed a physical release to go along with it. It helped that Kurt liked to wear sweaters, cardigans and designer jackets a lot previously to when he found his escape, because Burt never got suspicious when he always wore long sleeves. And Burt was too busy anyways to notice, because he threw himself into work at his shop to keep his mind from wandering to what he had lost.

Everything worked out perfectly.

Kurt cut a lot during the first year after his mom passed away, but then slowed down some after that. He went from cutting nearly everyday to around once a week, but things picked back up when he started getting teased by other kids at school about how he dressed. As much as he tried to ignore them, the comments hurt. He tried to blow off the insults, he really did, but they were never ending and there was only so much a person could take before they cracked.

Kurt kept up with his secret escape over the years without ever being found out. He had almost been caught once when his dad told him that he had to go to the doctor to get a shot he needed, and so Kurt had to go to the store and live through the most awkward moments of his life when he bought foundation to cover his scars up with. The cashier asked what he needed makeup for, and Kurt lied and said his mom told him to get it for her while she was in the store next door. The lie brought up feelings of guilt, and by the end of the day Kurt added three more cuts to the ever increasing number he had.

Things got even rougher when he went to high school, because on top on the teasing Kurt began to get shoved into lockers, thrown into dumpsters, and had slushies thrown in his face. Being in Glee Club helped, but he couldn't ever fully relate to anyone in the club. There was an especially tough spot in his life when his dad married Carole and the whole fiasco with Finn happened, but that was nothing compared to when Karofsky had kissed him. The threat to his life following that incident forced him to change schools. But there was one good thing that came from that; he met Blaine.

Dalton helped Kurt immensely and he stopped cutting shortly after he moved there, but when he eventually returned to McKinley and found that Karofsky was still there and as mean as ever he relapsed. Blaine joined Kurt at McKinley the next year, and while that made things a little better, it didn't stop the bullying.

One Thursday, Kurt was walking to his locker to get the books he needed for his last class before lunch. Well, he was more like stumbling to his locker. He hadn't slept the night before because he was busy working on his song for Glee that week, and he was more than utterly exhausted. Kurt didn't see the hulking figures in red Letterman jackets approaching him while holding slushies until he nearly walked into one of them. He squeaked in surprise and looked up just in time to be pelted by about a dozen slushies at once.

Kurt gasped loudly as the frozen beverages soaked through all his clothes and flattened his perfectly coiffed hair; he had never been attacked by slushies like this, the jocks normally only threw one or two at his face.

The football team laughed as they walked past Kurt, some even roughly elbowing him in his side along the way. Kurt closed his eyes and winced as they started burning; he didn't close them in time and the flavored ice got into them. Blaine, who was right across the hall and had seen the whole incident happen, rushed over to Kurt and took hold of his arm, guiding him in the direction of the bathrooms.

"Oh God, Kurt. Are you okay? Wait, of course you're not okay. How did you not see them coming?" Blaine rambled, obviously concerned about his boyfriend.

"Wasn't paying attention," Kurt gritted out, rubbing furiously at his eyes. "Ow, this really stings."

"Here," Blaine said as they arrived at the bathroom. "Flush your eyes out. Wow, your soaking wet. Do you have another shirt?"

"In my locker there's a shirt and jacket. Could you get it for me?"

"Of course, I'll be right back. Get as much of the slushie off yourself as you can until I get back."

Kurt grunted in affirmation to Blaine and began the difficult task of ridding his face and hair of slushie. The colored dye stained his skin slightly, and he now had patches of red, purple and blue all over him. This wasn't good for his skin at all, and he would have to be extra thorough with his nighttime moisturizing routine later on.

After washing out the flavored ice from his hair and flushing it out of his eyes, Kurt took off his sweater, followed by his button-up shirt and undershirt. He was tired and cold, and didn't think twice about his actions. In his state, Kurt didn't think anything of being shirtless in the bathroom, waiting for Blaine to return with his change of clothes. He didn't think of what he was putting on display, he just wanted to put on dry clothes and get home as soon as he could. Kurt stood in front of the sinks waiting for Blaine, not knowing that because of his carelessness, all hell was about to break loose.

Blaine returned to the bathroom a couple of minutes later, not caring that the bell had already rung and he was late for class. He opened the bathroom door and held Kurt's shirt and jacket out to him. "Sorry I took a while, I kept using my combination instead of yours, and-" Blaine stopped talking mid-sentence as he finally looked up at Kurt and dropped the clothes to the floor in shock.

Kurt turned to Blaine, confused. "What's wrong?"

Blaine stared at Kurt in disbelief. "Kurt," he choked out after a moment, "what did you do to yourself?"

Kurt followed Blaine's line of vision where he was staring at his arms, and all the color drained from his face as he realized his mistake. _Oh no.__  
_

Kurt backed up a step, but Blaine stepped forward two steps. "Kurt, please don't tell me those are what I think they are."

Kurt stepped back again, eyes darting around the small room, looking for an exit but finding none. It was all over. Everything he worked to hide for nine years was now out in the open, in front of his boyfriend of all people. This was bad, this was really bad. Blaine would probably tell someone, thinking he would be helping Kurt if he did. But Kurt didn't need help, he was managing just fine all by himself. How could he be so careless though in the first place?

"Kurt, did you... did you _cut yourself?_"

Kurt cringed at the horrified look on Blaine's face, and noticed that Blaine had him backed into a corner. Blaine tentatively reached a hand out toward Kurt and traced his fingers over the scars on his chest, eyes watering as he took Kurt's silence as a confirmation to his question. He turned his gaze to meet Kurt's after a second.

"Why?"

Kurt looked into Blaine's eyes and saw a lot of things in them; confusion, hurt, anger, sadness, but mostly pity. Kurt didn't want pity, in fact, it was the last thing he wanted. He looked to the door and then to his shirt and jacket laying discarded on the floor, and calculated his chances of grabbing them and making a run for it successfully without Blaine catching him. Blaine may be strong because he boxed, but Kurt was taller, had longer legs, and was ultimately much faster than Blaine. It was worth a shot.

Kurt pushed off against the wall and ran to his clothes, scooping them up and then running to the door, putting his shirt on swiftly along the way. Blaine was right behind him as he ran outside to his car, but Kurt didn't stop, he needed to get out of the school and away from Blaine at the moment. Blaine knew. Blaine would tell someone, that Kurt was sure of. It didn't matter if Blaine was his boyfriend and he loved him, Blaine _knew._

Kurt barely made it to his car first, and as soon as his hopped into the driver seat, locked the doors and started the car he sped out of the parking lot and drove home, breaking at least a dozen traffic laws along the way. It was only when he was halfway home that he noticed he was shaking and crying. He needed to get to his bedroom and to his sweet escape before it was taken away from him.

* * *

Blaine cussed loudly as he watched Kurt speed away from him. He was so close, _so close_ to getting him, but Kurt was just a little bit faster. He'd been taken off guard when Kurt ran away from him in the bathroom, and the delay in response time had caused him to let Kurt get away.

But Kurt... the scars... just...

Why had Kurt done that to himself? There were hundreds upon hundreds of scars covering his body, some new, and some very old looking. How long had he been doing this for? And why hadn't Blaine noticed that something was off before? Now that he thought about it, there were some obvious signs he had missed that something like this could be going on; Kurt always wore long sleeves no matter what, he would hiss in pain if someone grabbed his arm or wrist, he acted distant sometimes, when he got nervous he would look at his arms and scratch at his sleeves, and he always had an unusually high supply of bandages with him at all times.

The signs were all there, Blaine just never put them together until now. And Kurt had just sped off somewhere and would probably mutilate himself even more. He needed to do something, he wouldn't let Kurt continue to harm himself like this if he could help it.

Blaine took out his cell phone and sent a text to everyone in Glee that they needed to have an emergency meeting at lunch. There was only half an hour of class left, and Blaine had no intention of going to History. He walked back into the school building to get Kurt's and his own's backpacks from the bathroom, kicking at the gravel in the parking lot along the way.

* * *

"Okay, Hobbit, you better have a good reason to call this meeting. I have better things I could be doing right now, and if this isn't really important then I have no problem with pushing you down the stairs the next time I see you walking in front of me," Santana said as she walked into the Glee room ahead of everyone else trailing behind her.

Blaine nodded his head jerkily as he sniffed and wiped at his eyes. He was really scared. He'd tried calling Kurt fifteen times and sent him forty-two text messages since he left, and Kurt had responded to none of them. It didn't take a genius to figure out what Kurt was probably doing, but Blaine couldn't just head over to Kurt's house by himself; he had no idea how to handle this situation without further provoking Kurt, and he needed help. He hoped the Glee Club would be understanding and willing to help him, because if they weren't it would just cause a bigger problem for Kurt.

"Are you crying?" Santana asked incredulously, looking slightly uncomfortable.

Blaine nodded his head again and shut his eyes tightly. "I-it's Kurt."

"What happened to Kurt?" Finn asked immediately, turning into protective-brother mode.

Blaine swallowed thickly and looked up at everyone, taking in their suddenly worried faces. He tried to speak, but his voice cracked. He cleared his throat and tried again, this time the words actually sounding from him. "He cuts himself."

Silence.

Everyone's jaw dropped at Blaine's statement, even Santana's. Blaine couldn't blame them, he was just as shocked if not more when he saw all the cuts on Kurt. This wasn't something you took lightly, after all.

The silence continued on for a full minute before complete and total chaos ensued.

* * *

A/N:

So there's chapter 2. It's 4 am. right now and I'm sort of tired, so I'm just going to end it here for tonight and continue with it tomorrow. I probably won't fall asleep for another two hours (damn insomnia) but I found out from past experiences that if I write past this time my writing begins to not make sense. So I'll finish this tomorrow.

Thank you to the people who have already followed, reviewed, and favorited my story, that means a lot to me! I love getting feedback, even if you tell me there are things I need to fix or improve, because I like getting constructive criticism, it helps me to better my writing.


	3. Chapter 3

"What do you mean Kurt cuts himself?" Mercedes asked as she stepped forward to Blaine. She shook her head, " You don't mean that he..."

"Self harms," Blaine finished brokenly, already knowing what Mercedes was going to say.

"Where is he?" Finn asked, jaw clenched tight and hands balled up into fists.

"I don't know, he ran away from me when I tried to talk to him, but I think he probably went h-"

"YOU LET HIM GET AWAY?"

Blaine took a step back from Finn and put his hands up in front of him. "He ran away and I couldn't catch up to him. Look, I asked all of you to come here because I thought you would be supportive and try to help Kurt, not blow up and make things worse for him."

"He's right, Finn. You can't get angry like this," Rachel said in a wobbly voice as she reached out towards Finn, who pushed her away.

"No, this is stupid. Cutting is stupid. I'm not going to be calm when my brother is acting like an idiot."

"Finn," Blaine said sharply. "You're making me regret even telling you. If you act like this to Kurt you'll just make him cut more."

"I'm going home," Finn said as he spun around and headed to the classroom door. "I'm going to make sure he stops."

"Finn! You're going about this the wrong way, you can't go after him like this!"

Finn stopped and turned around, looking at Blaine in bewilderment. "Are you telling me I can't go to my own house?"

"If you're just going to act like this, then yes. I'll go by myself."

"Dude, you can't-"

"I think Blaine's right," Artie said, speaking for the first time. "If what Blaine said was true and Kurt ran away, then he won't need you blowing up at him. You'll scare him even more."

Blaine sent Artie a thankful look, and Artie half-smiled in return. "I'll just go by myself, and I'll text all of you to let you know how he's doing. You're all going to need to be really supportive and help him out when he comes back to school, most likely tomorrow."

"But-" Finn started, but stopped when everyone sent him a pointed glare. "Fine, I'll be home sooner or later though."

Blaine nodded at everyone and headed to the door, but stopped when he heard Santana speak.

"I'll go with you."

"What? No," Blaine said, confused at Santana's proclamation.

Santana sighed. "Okay, listen. Hummel's most likely going to have a razor in his hand when we get there, and do you know how to get one of those away from someone without getting cut yourself?" she asked, and at Blaine's expression she continued. "I didn't think so. Now, I grew up in Lima Heights and keep about a dozen of those things in my hair all the time, so I'm pretty handy with them. You're going to need me."

"I- you know what? Okay, whatever, just don't be so...you."

"Don't tell me what to do, Ladyboy."

* * *

Kurt ran into the en-suite bathroom in his bedroom once he got home after making a hasty exit from school. He opened the cabinet under the sink and moved some towels aside along with various other items until he found what he was looking for; a small, wooden box. He sighed in relief at the sight of the box and pulled it out from the cabinet, setting it on his lap. He leaned against the wall and opened case that contained the keys to his escape, eyes immediately settling on the sharp, silver blades that glinted in the light coming from the window. Relief at last.

It had taken Kurt a while to get home, because he pulled over on the side of the road a few times to collect himself before continuing on. The tears in his eyes had blurred his vision, and he knew it wasn't a good idea to drive when he couldn't see. The last thing he needed was to get into a car wreck. He didn't have the time nor desire for that to happen. Sure, it took him three times as long as it should have for him to arrive home, but he eventually did nonetheless.

Blaine now knew that he cut, but he would never understand. Nobody could fully understand unless they were in his situation, they couldn't quite comprehend the emotions and thoughts he had unless they had experienced what he does, first hand. Many people think cutters cut for attention, but not all do, Kurt surely didn't. He hid his scars and cuts for nine years, and now that he accidentally showed them to Blaine it felt like his whole world was ending and crashing right before his eyes. Kurt cut because he had so much mental and emotional pain that he needed a way to release it, he wanted some pain he could control.

He could control the blade. He could control how deep or shallow he cut, if he made a quick cut on a rush, or if he cut slowly and drew the pain out. Kurt preferred slow cuts, because they hurt more but gave him longer lasting relief. It was that endorphin high he got while cutting and afterwards that he craved like nothing else. For that time that it lasted, everything was right, and nothing else mattered. He felt _happy. _But then of course the high would fade and guilt would set in, and he'd be left looking at his scars. He didn't know if he loved or hated them. He hated how he needed to cover up his whole body because of them, but he loved the feeling he got from making the scars, and the scars were a part of him. They showed that he'd been through some tough things and survived them, but he got some battle scars along the way to tell the tale.

It was a never ending love-hate relationship.

Kurt picked up a blade and closed his eyes as the cool metal touched his skin. Sweet, _sweet_, relief. He held out the arm that wasn't clutching the blade in front of him, and pressed the razor down on the underside of his forearm before dragging it ever so slowly across his skin. The cut burned, but the burn was familiar, comfortable, welcome. He moved the razor away from his arm and watched as the blood beaded on his skin, then came out in a heavier amount. The bright red was mesmerizing, and it kept Kurt's attention for a few seconds before he made another cut, this one slightly deeper and perfectly parallel to the first one.

The feeling of endorphins he was well acquainted with began to kick in, and Kurt reveled in the feeling for a moment before making another cut, this one a fast swipe that drew blood instantly. He made those kinds occasionally, usually only once in a while though, because they didn't satisfy him nearly enough. Kurt pressed the razor back against his arm and put pressure on it again, feeling the blade slice through his skin. He held it there for a second, then drug it horizontally across, sighing in relief.

Kurt didn't hear the sound of a slamming car door outside, he was too preoccupied making three more cuts. He didn't hear voices outside talking back and forth about where the spare key to the front door was, and he didn't hear his front door close and footsteps on the stairs after that. He didn't hear the tentative knocking on his bedroom door or the sound of two pairs of footsteps on the floor after the door opened, but he did hear the surprised gasps at the doorway to his bathroom.

* * *

Blaine and Santana gasped in surprise at the scene that met them when they walked into Kurt's bathroom; Kurt leaning against the far wall, razor blade in hand, eyes closed, and one arm covered in blood. Kurt's eyes shot open as he heard the gasps, and he gaped at Blaine and Santana in shock. His breathing stuttered as he realized that he was trapped unless he wanted to try jumping out the window, but he had no intention of risking breaking a leg, or worse.

"Oh no, Kurt," Blaine said walking over and crouching down in front of his boyfriend. "Why did you do this?"

Kurt averted his eyes to the floor, not daring to make eye contact with anyone right now. He didn't want to see the emotions he knew would be swirling in their depths. Kurt didn't say anything, he just kept quiet until Santana walked over and promptly snatched the razor from his grip with practiced ease.

"No!" Kurt cried out, jumping to his feet, trying to get the blade back.

"Nuh-uh, Hummel. This is for your own good," she said, looking at him sympathetically, which was quite uncharacteristic for her.

"But I need it! You can't take it away!" Kurt screamed again, turning around to face Blaine, only to see him picking his wooden box off of the floor and closing it. "No! You can't take that, too! You can't do this to me!"

Kurt was frantic now, gaze switching between Blaine and Santana who were both watching him warily. Blaine nodded to Santana then, and tossed the box over Kurt's head to Santana's waiting hands, where she left to place it along with the razor on Kurt's bed before returning.

"Kurt, we need to clean your wounds before they get infected," Blaine said as calmly as he could. While he appeared to be calm, cool and collected, he was really freaking out on the inside. He had just walked in on the middle of Kurt cutting himself! That wasn't an image he could ever rid his mind of. But he needed to act like he was put together, because if Kurt saw him freak out then Kurt would become even more frantic, and that was a situation he wanted to avoid at all costs if he could help it.

"Why are you doing this?" Kurt asked in a shaky voice. He just wanted this day to be over. Or, better yet, he wanted it to start over from the beginning, that way he could correct his mistake from earlier and he wouldn't be in this position right now.

"I want to help you."

"No, I was doing fine by myself. I don't need help."

"Yes, you do. Cutting isn't going to solve your problems, Hummel, it just causes more," Santana commented from where she was leaning against the doorway.

"It's a way to cope."

"But it's not healthy, Kurt. You could die from this," Blaine tried to reason, but knew what he said fell on deaf ears when Kurt shook his head vehemently.

"I know what I'm doing," Kurt said, then turned his attention to Santana. "What's she doing here? Why did you tell her?"

"I thought it would help if people knew, that way they can give you support to overcome this-"

Kurt narrowed his eyes and cut Blaine off mid-sentence. "Who. Else. Did. You. Tell?"

Blaine swallowed thickly and was the one to avert his gaze this time. "Glee Club."

"You told everyone in Glee?" Kurt exploded, turning red with anger, the blood still steadily dripping down his arm.

"I- yes. I thought if everyone knew you would have more people to turn to for help."

Kurt pursed his lips and looked Blaine in the eyes. "Get out."

"Excuse me?" Blaine asked, recoiling from the intensity of Kurt's voice.

"Yeah, what?" Santana questioned, raising an eyebrow at Kurt. She'd never seen him get this angry before.

"Get out of my house. I don't want your help, I don't want your pitiful looks, I don't want you hovering over me, and most of all I don't want anyone to know. But obviously you did all of those already, so get out."

"Please, don't be like this, Kurt," Blaine pleaded, stepping closer to his boyfriend.

Kurt back away and pointed a finger to the door. "Get out now. This isn't your house, and if I want you to leave, then you leave. I'm not going to say it again."

Normally, Kurt wouldn't speak to anybody like this, especially Blaine. But this wasn't a normal day, everything was over and he didn't know how to handle it. Kurt needed to be alone, he couldn't handle having anyone around him right now. This was too much to take in in such a short period of time. He felt like he was on the verge of having an anxiety attack.

"Please, please, Kurt-" Blaine started, but stopped talking at the look he received from Kurt. He hung his head in defeat and looked to Santana who looked conflicted, too.

"Fine," Santana said after a minute. "We'll go, come on Blaine."

Blaine looked over to her in astonishment, but read the look she gave him that clearly implied that she had a plan. He hoped it was a damn good one.

Blaine followed Santana out of Kurt's bathroom, stopping to pick up the box and razor along the way, then left the house. He got into the driver seat of his car while Santana hopped into the passenger side, and started the engine. "What do we do now?"

"Easy, we're getting Finn over here."

* * *

Kurt cleaned his cuts quickly, first washing them with soap and water, then dabbing them with rubbing alcohol and finishing off the job with putting on Neosporin and bandages. He was always very thorough when it came to cleaning up his cuts, because he couldn't afford to get an infection and have to go to a doctor. When he was done with that, he wiped the blood up off the floor with a paper towel which he threw in the trash bin. He left no evidence of his recent activities.

After that, Kurt snatched his car keys off his dresser and headed outside to his car. He needed to go somewhere to clear his head before he ran into anybody else who knew. He needed to figure out what he would say and how he would go from here. Stopping wasn't an option, he was already in too deep. He would find a way to continue on retreating to his escape, because he wouldn't let anyone take it away from him. He just needed to figure out how he would go about everything.

* * *

Finn saw red as he sped home. Blaine had let Kurt go not once, but _twice._ Santana let him go, too. What was wrong with these people? Couldn't they see that Kurt needed to be stopped? He would make sure Kurt stopped cutting himself, he wouldn't let this go on. He couldn't believe that _Kurt _had been cutting himself though, he always thought his brother had more sense than that. Apparently not.

When Finn pulled up into the driveway of his house though, something felt off. He glanced around and saw that Kurt's Navigator was missing. Oh no. Finn jumped out of his car, not bothering to close his door, and sprinted into the house after unlocking the front door. He vaulted up the stairs to Kurt's room and found it empty, along with his bathroom. He quickly looked through every room in the house, even his parents' room although he wasn't supposed to go in there. All the rooms were empty.

Finn cursed loudly as he tried to think of what to do. Kurt was gone, and who knew where he went. Kurt could be anywhere, doing anything, and nobody would know where to find him unless he decided to answer any calls or texts, which Finn doubted Kurt would do. He knew from experience that if Kurt really wanted to be alone then he would ensure that he would be.

Finn took his phone out of his pocket and angrily scrolled through his contact list until he found the number he wanted. He put the phone to his ear, not as surprised as he should have been when the person answered on the first ring.

_"Hello?"_

"Nice job, Anderson. Kurt's gone."

* * *

A/N:

So here's the end of the third chapter. I hope you liked it! Sorry it came a little late, I got unexpectedly busy yesterday. And yeah, it'll take a few more days until this is done. I originally thought I would have a ton of time to work on it, but it turns out that I really don't. So yeah.

And if you're going through a hard time or self harm and want to talk about it, then feel free to message me. I've been through some pretty rough things and know what it's like to self harm, so I can relate. Just don't ask me for advice on how to stop, I wouldn't know because I still cut myself. I actually had a big slip-up tonight. I was fine all day, but then BOOM, something triggered me. Now my hips are full of band-aids :(

Anyways, thank you everyone who was been giving me feedback for this fic! Your follows, favorites, and reviews inspire me to write.

I'll update soon! Bye!


	4. Chapter 4

Kurt was sitting on a bench in the far corner of the park his mom used to take him to all the time when he was a kid, soaking up the last rays of sunlight and listening to the noises around him. Children were screaming and hollering in obvious joy, parents were chatting amongst each other as they watched over their kids, birds chirped overhead and in nearby trees, and cars were going by down the road. A rueful smile played on Kurt's lips as he took it all in, remembering all the times he used to come here.

He'd been at the park for an hour or so, contemplating his situation. He already had a back-up stash of blades hidden in an empty moisturizer container on his vanity, and he knew for a fact that nobody would ever think to look there because it was so perfectly blended in with all his other products. But there was the huge issue of people knowing. He would be checked for cuts and people would watch him like a hawk from now on, that he was also sure of. There would be no privacy, and Kurt didn't know if he could handle that.

Then there was his dad and Carole to think about, and Kurt hoped with everything he had that nobody would tell them. He wouldn't be able to handle the looks on their faces if they found out, and he knew it would break both of them. So as long as they didn't know already, he had a plan to keep them from knowing: fool everybody into thinking he'll stop, and make them promise not to tell. It was a long shot, sure, but it had to work. There was no other plan.

But how did he make people think he wouldn't cut anymore? Blaine would check him, and Finn probably would, too. His arms and wrists were now off limits, that was first. So was his stomach and chest, because Blaine had also seen those cuts. That left his legs and hips. His legs would be tricky to hide, but he might be able to get away with the very tops of his thighs if he wore long boxer shorts. His plan was fully set then; thighs and hips only.

Kurt's phone rang in his pocket for the umpteenth time in the past few hours, and he sighed as he took it out and glanced at the screen. He knew people were trying to get a hold of him, but he really didn't feel like talking to anyone yet. They would judge him and treat him differently, when he was the same person they always knew. He'd started everything long before he met any of his current friends.

It was Blaine calling him. For the thirty-fourth time according to his phone. He almost sent the call to voice mail like he did with all the others, but at the last second he decided to answer it. He wasn't exactly sure why, maybe it was because he felt bad for the way he talked to Blaine earlier and made him leave his house. Or maybe he just wanted to hear his voice in hopes that it would soothe his nerves.

"Hello?" Kurt asked quietly, suddenly feeling even more nervous and thinking that answering the call was possibly a mistake.

Blaine breathed a sigh of relief on the other line. _"Kurt, you're okay."_

Kurt frowned. "Why wouldn't I be okay?"

Blaine was silent, and Kurt picked up on what he was thinking. "I'm not suicidal, you know? I don't have plans to kill myself," he snapped. This was definitely a bad idea, and he was right about people judging him and assuming things.

_"That's not what I meant!" _Blaine hurried to say, fearful Kurt may hang up on him.

"Then what did you mean?"

_"I... I'm just worried about you. Everyone is."_

Kurt shook his head even though he knew Blaine couldn't see him. "Nobody else had to know. I'm fine, and I know what I'm doing."

_"What you're doing is dangerous-"_

"I don't want to be preached to, Blaine. If I wanted to be I'd go to church, and there's a reason why I don't. Now what did you call for mainly, because I know you haven't said it yet." He was growing more irritable with each passing second, and this wasn't how he wanted the call to go. But how else could it have possibly turned out? This was the reality of things, and any other thoughts were just wishful thinking.

_"You should come home. Your parents are cooking dinner and they're getting suspicious of why I'm here and you're not. They know Finn and I aren't the best of friends, and they keep checking on us in the living room to see if we've attacked each other yet or something."_

"They don't know?" Kurt asked automatically.

_"No, but we need to talk about that when you get here. They should know so we can get you help."_

"I don't need help and you won't tell them. I'll be there in twenty minutes."

_"Kurt-"_

Kurt ended the call before Blaine could finish speaking and put his phone back in his pocket. He stood from the park bench and started walking to his car, a million thoughts racing through his mind all at once. Should he be happy that his dad and Carole didn't know? How would he convince Blaine and Finn not to tell them? What would he do when he got home?

Walking through the front door of his house would be tough, because he'd have to face Blaine and Finn. Would have to see the disappointment on their faces among other things they were feeling. He would make it through everything though, he would find a way to survive everything life was about to throw at him without losing himself even more.

He had to.

* * *

"You're just in time for dinner!" Carole chirped when Kurt entered the house twenty minutes later, just like he told Blaine.

Kurt forced a smile and walked further into the living room. "Great, everything smells delicious." Whatever was for dinner actually did smell good, but he didn't pay too much attention to it, Kurt instead was focused on Blaine and Finn seated on different couches in the living room across from him, staring at him intently.

Burt peeked around the kitchen doorway then. "Come on boys, it's time to eat. Where'd you disappear for the last couple hours?" he said, directing his question at the end to Kurt.

"The library; I need a book for a report I'm doing, but I couldn't find it there," Kurt replied, not liking how easily to lie came to him.

Burt shrugged and went to sit at the dining table then, believing what Kurt said. "Check the book store tomorrow."

"I will, thanks."

Kurt made his way to the table too, not missing how Finn and Blaine stood up simultaneously and followed close behind him. He gritted his teeth in annoyance but said nothing, not wanting his dad or Carole to pick up on anymore strange behavior and figure out that something was wrong.

Blaine sat next to Kurt, and Finn sat across from the both of them. His brother and boyfriend seemed to have some kind of silent communication going between them, because they kept nodding to each other and looking at Kurt, which he found more than a little unnerving.

They were having grilled chicken, mashed potatoes, green beans, salad and french bread for dinner. Kurt was careful to make sure his dad didn't put too much salt on his potatoes, as he usually lectured him not to put that much salt on whatever he was eating. Conversation flowed fairly normal for everyone, and Kurt tried his best not to appear tense or anything. Everything was fine until Kurt reached for the butter knife so he could butter the piece of bread that had been sitting on his plate since the beginning of the meal.

"No!" Finn cried, lunging across the table and snatching the utensil from Kurt's grasp.

"What the hell, Finn?" Kurt asked, looking at his step-brother with wide eyes.

"Language," Burt reminded his son, but then turned his attention to Finn. "What's wrong?"

Carole looked confused as she watched the scene, and Blaine kept his gaze on his plate, not daring to look up. Kurt sent Finn a murderous glare after a moment, knowing exactly why he snatched the knife from him.

Finn looked from Kurt, to Blaine, to Burt and his mom and back to Kurt again before sitting back down and answering. "I uh, wanted the butter knife first," he said, and to prove his point he took a slice of bread from the basket and buttered it before stuffing the whole thing in his mouth.

"Finn, don't do that, it's rude and gross," Carole commented as she sent a skeptical look to her son.

Finn nodded sheepishly and went back to eating, everyone else following suit soon after. Kurt kept glaring at Finn though, and he almost stabbed Blaine in the hand with his fork when he reached for the butter knife the second time and Blaine tried to subtly take it from him. If his boyfriend didn't have fast reflexes then he would have needed multiple stitches. The table, however, didn't fare so well.

When dinner was finished and the dishes were cleared and done, Kurt went to his bedroom to do homework. He wasn't surprised when his door opened back up a few minutes later, and he didn't glance over his shoulder to see who it was because it didn't take a genius to figure it out. He stayed sitting with his back to the door as he took some notebooks and binders out of his bag and set them down next to him.

"We need to talk, bro," Finn said as he hesitantly sat down next to Kurt.

Kurt stayed focused on getting all the supplies he needed for his schoolwork out, still not saying anything, even when he felt Blaine sit down on his other side. He was trying to think of what he would say to them, because he hadn't had enough time to think of something yet.

"Kurt," Blaine said as he took a notebook from his hands, "we need to talk."

Kurt laughed bitterly. "There isn't much to talk about. I'll stop, but we don't need to go over everything. I don't need my dad or Carole to know, either." Right to the point then, guess he didn't need planning.

Blaine sighed. "Kurt, you really don't think we're going to believe that, do you?"

"Of course not, so I'll give you permission to check me for cuts. I won't do anything as long as nobody tells my dad and Carole."

"You're just going to stop like that?"

"That's what I just said, and it's not like I have anything to use anymore, you took my box," Kurt replied, being sure he sounded annoyed enough to be believed. "Now I have homework to do. You two can hover over me if you want to, but I'm not going to be very exciting."

Finn and Blaine shared a glance and stayed where they were, eliciting an angry huff from Kurt. They would rather be safe than sorry.

* * *

A few hours later Blaine had to go home, but he made sure Finn knew the plan before he left. It seemed like the two of them were finally getting along to an extent, although they both wished it were under more pleasant circumstances. Earlier in the day Blaine had gotten Finn to calm down and realize that being belligerent would only make things worse with Kurt, and they decided that they wouldn't tell his parents.

Kurt would.

The plan was to get Kurt to open up to everyone and realize that he needed help. It might take some time, but they were going to try their hardest to make sure the whole process went as smoothly and quickly as possible. Everyone in Glee Club was in on it, and the first step in the plan would happen tomorrow after school.

In the meantime, Blaine could only hope that everything worked out okay and Finn kept a close eye on Kurt; he had a feeling he was lying to them.

* * *

A/N:

Thank you for all the feedback everyone! I appreciate every single review, favorite and follow!

I'm really, really sorry this took so long to update! I have a ton of things I've been busy with, but this is going to be a relatively short story so I shouldn't take too much time finishing it up.

Next update will be very soon, I promise this time!


	5. Chapter 5

Dear readers,

I apologize profusely for my extensive, unexplained absence. I haven't forgotten my stories though and am not giving up on any of them. In 2-3 weeks, I will have brand new edits for everything, at least mostly done. This will be the last time I edit the previous chapters of my fics because I feel like I finally found a good place to write and have everything set in stone. I've started on a couple of chapters already and cannot wait to share them with you! My current writing doesn't reflect my abilities as a writer in the slightest because I know I can do so much better and that's what I'm currently working on. I'm going through a lot in life right now and really appreciate your continued support.

Also, I am not taking any new beta requests, but will obviously continue to beta the stories I currently beta. I will also be changing my username soon to match my tumblr account, so when you see that it's a sign that brand new edits will be posted shortly. I'll be taking the current chapters of my stories down right before I post the new ones so everything has a fresh start.

Please keep in mind that my fics are undergoing major editing, so some things may be added or taken away. I won't, however, change the plot in any of the fics.

Thank you for reading, and I hope I won't disappoint any of you with my new edits.


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